Smoking a cigarette
I smoke cigarettes a lot, I know it is bad for me and most of the time I dont enjoy it. So I hear people say why do you smoke so many then?
It is just a habbit, or out of boredom but is that true? I think not. I think I smoke because of stress or because I know it is bad for me? No that is not true? I think. Hmm maybe I smoke because a lot people arround smoke. I want to be an insider so I want to be arround people.
I hear you say then you can just stand with them without having to smoke. Yeah you are right.
But I told you there is a reason why i smoke and that reason wasnt clear to me until that day. My teamleader trowed a party because it was his last day. And even tho we had not that close off a band we had been throught some serious shit together. So he knew who I was. Before everybody left he sad “ I will say something personal about everyone here and no I will not do this in front a the whole group I will say it just out of the blue tonight to you and only to you”. I started to wonder what would he say about me?
So we went on with the party and as what he had said he came over to me and started talking. He just said “ You smoke to much” not in a angry way but with a curious voice. And I responed “ yeah that is true” he asked why? I said “ to give myself adituted” and he nodded. And said “ yeah I understand” Later I heard that he had told my buddy that I mustn’t be so hard on myself and that I was a unsecure person. And that he felt sad about that and hoped for me to grow out off it.
Now back to the question why do I smoke so much. Yeah it is because of stress and yes it is because it gives my an aditude. It is bad but I need a cigg to calm myself down when Im arround a lot of people.
So that is why I smoke so much. Because “people”